I decided some time ago that it would be nice to wear a dress. Dresses are sometimes nice on women, and so perhaps they would be on me.
I don't wear a dress just to look nice. This isn't a strong enough reason to justify the abuse I get, and the abuse I give others - those who are quite obviously offended by my appearance.
It's a sensual and sexual experience. I didn't appreciate the reasons for this when I started wearing dresses, but the more I have done it and talked about it, the clearer these have become. Strangely also, the more I've tried to articulate my reasons and feelings about dress wearing, the less I've felt like doing it.
The sensation I have when dressed up is often one of 'feeling sexy', sort of hot lipped and loose limbed. There seem to be two major causes of this. One is the different feelings of freedom, constraint and vulnerability imposed on me by the structure of a dress. The other is the symbolic act of dress wearing, and its connotations for me.
I love the new physical freedoms and habits I get from the dresses I wear. Lots of legs, and a nice gap between them. Tights. An unrestricted lower half. A breeze. Dressing and undressing. Matching socks with dress material. Women's clothes shops. Colours. A cotton sheath on your whole body.
I feel naked in a way, naked whilst being loosely swathed in a dress. Not tightly wrapped in a shirt and trousers. This physical 'exposure' or 'liberation' can also lend itself to feelings of vulnerability. However this only happens when I'm physically threatened. Then I feel very insecure, and also very silly. My rhetorical support for my be-dressed appearance, when confronted by a flagrant exhibition of machismo, is very weak. I rapidly feel ridiculous, and forget why I ever wanted to wear one.
It has to be said that many kinds of men's clothes offer almost the same looseness and physical freedom, but don't give me such a good time; but, half the pleasure comes from the deeper aspects of dress wearing!
I have always been slightly envious of that attractiveness of women wearing nice dresses. What I see as attractive, I want for myself! This obviously isn't just the dresses. It's the sensuality of a dressed woman, of women in general that I identify with. The dress, since it is the exclusive property of women at the moment, evokes and is symbolic of, this sensuality. Wearing dresses effects and enhances these feelings in me.
I think I'm on dodgy ground here. A confusion can be made between my expression of a sensuality that is 'female associated', and actually appearing to want to be a woman. I feel like a man, but with an added way in which to express my feelings. I do not particularly want to be a woman. If I appear like one, it's not by design. I should look like a man in a dress.
There are many ways in which, as a man, you can express your sensuality. Most don't involve something as crass as wearing a dress either. It might seem somewhat unnecessary to wear a dress, especially as it's still a rare thing and lends itself to gross misinterpretation. People are more likely to ignore you, be turned off, or even be aggressive, than to be nice and friendly. My lover doesn't like it either. Why do I do it? Try a skirt on and see for yourself.
I never intended to feel as alienated as I do, when I'm dress wearing. What should I expect! At the moment it seems very much my thrill, and this saddens me.
There is an auto-erotic element in my pleasure. Since on the whole the excitement I feel is from the sexual ambience I give out, and this is not often reciprocated, it could be seen as mostly auto-erotic. I seriously feel though that I am not just turning myself on in isolation. I'm giving out a huge signal, but there aren't many people receiving it properly. That I cannot identify a particular sex or sexuality to whom I want to appeal is not important at the moment. The act is an expression of me, normally done when I feel relaxed and happy, and that's what matters.
I grew up in an environment dominated by women, particularly in my later years. I had my sisters, my mother and her women friends, and my close friends who were nearly all girls. Dress wearing in this context could be looked at as a skewed genderisation. I don't quite see it this way, and I don't wear dresses often enough either. Having had this female contact will have affected me, opened up different ways to feel and behave, but more than this, it's made it easier to realise what's actually possible. Not skewed but enriched genderisation. I think the urge to be able to wear dresses has been there a long time. I cooked and knitted at the same time as brandishing tommy guns. Being around girls made this easier.
I don't wear dresses that often. Never at work unfortunately. If I've had a hard competitive day, or experienced an unsavoury male situation, the urge to slip a skirt on is just there, when I get home. That's how it works.
Dress wearing doesn't always do the same thing for me. Sometimes the pleasure is solely that of comfort and physical freedom. Other times it's erotic. Every time it's nice. I wish more men felt free to do it.
Harry White
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