Not recognising the uniquely difficult and oppressive experience of lesbians and gay men and equating their experience with that of straight men ignores their horrendous histories of violent oppression. A men's movement which neglects this history and this continuing oppression is deeply homophobic. Furthermore it doesn't surprise me that such a men's movement has very few gay men in its ranks.
'We as anti-sexist men are oppressed...' The equation of the experience of 'changing men' and lesbian and gay people is, as most conservative and right wing ideologies are, ahistorical and acontextual. It neglects both the history and the constant reproduction of the oppression of gay and lesbian people. How many 'new men' were slaughtered in concentration camps? How many 'new men' received the worst treatment of all prisoners in those camps? How many 'new men' are clubbed in their bars by off-duty cops, as happens so often to gay men in the United States? How many 'new men' organisations have been suppressed, banned and closed down, as happens around the world to gay and lesbian groups? How many 'new men' will lose their jobs if they tell their employer that they aren't straight? How many international leaders of the 'new men's' movement have been brutally murdered, as has happened often to leaders of gay and lesbian movements (Harvey Milk, for example)? How many 'new men' are physically abused or even murdered (Charlene in Bangor, Maine) simply for being open in public about their sexuality? We must remember that lesbians and gay people have a radically different experience from straight men. Ignoring and fearing difference is the essence of right wing thought. The universalisation and generalisation of the western bourgeois experience - everyone is white and without economic need and straight and anything different from us is an aberration - is fundamental to the mechanics of oppression.
In the knowledge that straight men are different from lesbians and gay men, we need to remember the special privileges that we hold simply on the basis of being male and being straight. These are not privileges that we can accept or deny.
People will agree that we live in a racist or homophobic society, yet they will consistently talk about the racism of other groups of people and exempt themselves from the label racist or homophobic. But all men in our society have received homophobic conditioning. (Often bourgeois men in the men's movement will talk about the scandalous homophobia and sexism of working class men as if bourgeois men are somehow better). We and all straight people benefit from a society which oppresses lesbians and gay people.
We can never give up our privilege of being listened to more often than women, or having freedom from fear of rape or to walk alone outside at night or so many other things. We can never give up our privilege of not having to deal with pervasive invalidation, disrespect, and physical violence from a society which calls our sexuality sick. We hold the privilege of never having to place our sexuality in question. Harry Brod explains very well the full meaning of privilege: We need to be clear that there is no such thing as giving up one's privileges to be 'outside' the system. One is always IN the system. The only question is whether one is part of the system in a way which challenges or strengthens the status quo. Privilege is not something I TAKE and which I can therefore have the privilege of NOT taking. It is something that society GIVES me, and unless I change the institutions which give it to me, they will continue to give it, and I will continue to have it, however noble and egalitarian my intentions.
For example, counter culture men who consider themselves ex middle class or upper class cannot divest themselves of the reserve security they gain from having the option of falling back on old family ties and funds, as well as skills learned in earlier times, an option not available to those whose poverty is forced and not voluntary... While men who are pessimistic about the possibilities for social change often express pride in having at last surrendered their own privileges, this attitude reflects a fundamental misunderstanding. To give up male privilege is impossible, to overthrow it is not. (Work Clothes and Leisure Suits: The class bias of the men's movement' M Winter '83-84). EVERYONE has been conditioned to be homophobic. It pervades the entire society... Ours is a homophobic society. To believe that we are free of homophobia assumes the impossible: that we have left our society. We can be allies of gay and lesbian people and anti-homophobic, but we ourselves can never be completely free of homophobia until our society is free of homophobia. To assume that counter cultural groups or 'progressive' groups are free of homophobia is a major step in the perpetuation of heterosexism. We can choose to be 'new' men. We have the leisure and the privilege to be able to choose to be changing men. Turks, oppressed by racism can never choose not to be Turks. Women oppressed by sexism can never choose not to be Women. Lesbians and gay men, oppressed by homophobia, can never choose not to be gay or lesbian. We choose, rightfully, to take the sanctions that society lays on anti-sexists, but IT IS SOMETHING THAT WE CAN CHOOSE. It is something that we get to do. Homophobia does not disappear by having friends of the same sex or by being conscious of oppression. Having same-sex friends doesn't exempt us from benefiting from homophobia. Homophobia only ends when the system which pours benefit on us is dammed up.
Homophobia plays a very important role in our sense of ourselves as men. Homophobia denies gay men title to being men. It calls them sissies or faggots or queers or bent or cocksuckers or fairies or priss or homo or queen or whatever. But our homophobic society does not call gay men 'men'. And this is a very important lesson and very clear point to straight men: love other men and your sex and gender are denied and removed from you. And in putting boundaries on what is male, ALL MEN experience the catastrophe of homophobia. Sensitivity, caring, nurturing and loving towards men become bordered off from a homophobic society's definition of manhood. We must, as a men's movement, completely reject any such boundary or limit placed on men. Manhood means wearing dresses if you want to, manhood means being sensitive, loving other men, manhood means being strong and independent, and so on. In refusing these boundaries on manhood we are taking direct and important steps to smash homophobia.
In order to understand the oppression of gay and lesbian people, we must begin to recognise difference in experience. We will then see that straight men hold privileges that gay people don't share. As these privileges are undivestable, straight men are, whether willingly or not, placed into the role of oppressors. The best role for straight men in this conflict is to be an ally of gay and lesbian people. What follows are some tips on how to do this most effectively.
| it is a catastrophe for straight men to live in a homophobic society |
1. Assume that all straight men, including yourself, want to be or could be good allies to gay and lesbian people. Assume that you in particular are responsible enough and sensitive enough to be an effective ally. (This does not mean that you have nothing more to learn).
2. Assume that you have a right to be concerned with gay rights and the oppression of gay and lesbian people, and that it is in your own interest to do so and to be an ally. The oppression of lesbians and gay men destroys closeness and prevents unity between people of the same sex through installing and perpetuating homophobia. Homophobia is a fear of closeness with a member of the same sex. Homophobia not only makes it very difficult to go beyond our conditioning about gay and lesbian people, it prevents us from ever having an equal relationship with a gay or lesbian person. As our privilege in society puts us into a position of more power than gay and lesbian people, full equal partnerships between straight and gay people are very difficult, if not impossible to achieve. To get this equality we have to overcome homophobia. And homophobia is a catastrophe for straight men not only in how it affects our lives with gay and lesbian people, but in how we conduct ourselves with each other. Homophobia sets the false message that straight men cannot be physically close with one another. And politically as well it is in our interest as changing men to be allies of gay and lesbian people. The liberation of all oppressed people in society cannot be accomplished until gay and lesbian people are also liberated.
3. Assume that most gay and lesbian people want straight men and you in particular as an ally, and think of you as a potential ally. You don't need to wait for approval or validation from lesbians or gay men to do this, you can simply ASSUME this. (Don't assume they think you ARE an ally, you may well have to prove you are by your actions and words).
4. Assume that any examples to the contrary (any actual or apparent rejections of you as an ally) are the result of gay and lesbians people's experience of oppression and/or internalised oppression. They may not trust you to be a good ally because of their experiences of oppression by straight men. Or they may feel 'internalised oppression', which results from the mistreatment and oppression experienced by gay and lesbian people. The consequent believing and acting out of bullshit stereotypes by lesbians and gay men used by homophobic society to dehumanise, internalised oppression. An example would be working people believing that they are not smart enough or not capable enough to control and perfectly run the entire society. Internalised oppression is when an oppressed group does the oppressor's job for him/her.
5. Assume that gay and lesbian people are experts on their own experience, and that you have much to learn from them. Use your own intelligence and your own experiences as a member of an oppressed group to think about how to be most useful. Think of your experience perhaps as a young person, when you were constantly invalidated and disrespected and not listened to. What was helpful then and what did you particularly like about people who were allied with you and respected you? Apply what you liked about them to being an ally of gay and lesbian people. And don't do, what you didn't like about them.
6. Do not expect gay and lesbian people to show you or teach you about homophobia. It is important for you to find out for yourself about homophobia and your homophobic conditioning. Having gay and lesbian friends is not in itself being an ally. Being a full ally means actively overthrowing a society which depends on oppression for its survival.
7. Remember that gay and lesbian people are survivors of thousands of years of emotional, intellectual and physical violence and that they have just as long a history of resistance. Find out about this history and assist and encourage gay and lesbian people to take full pride in it.
8. Become knowledgeable and sensitive on all the issues which are of concern to gay and lesbian people. In beginning to work for and support gay and lesbian people, remember that making mistakes is part of the learning process of being ever more effective. Be prepared for flare-ups of disappointment and criticism. Acknowledge and apologise for mistakes, learn from them BUT DON'T GIVE UP. It is your right to concern yourself and be active in the liberation of gay and lesbian people.
9. Don't think that you can hide your homophobia from gay and lesbian people. They know it so well they can probably finish your sentences for you. In a homophobic society, EVERYONE has been conditioned to oppress gay and lesbian people, including people that think of themselves as progressive. Do not bother to 'convince' them that this conditioning did not happen to you; it is not something you ever had a choice in. It is unnecessary to convince gay and lesbian people that you are 'on their side', just be there.
10. Do not expect 'gratitude' from gay and lesbian people for being an ally; thoughtfully interrupt if it is offered to you. Remember, being an ally is a matter of your choice. It is not an obligation, it is something that you GET TO DO.
11. Be a 100% ally, no deals, no strings attached (No 'I'll oppose your oppression if you oppose mine'). Everyone's oppression needs to be opposed UNCONDITIONALLY.
Copyright © Achilles Heel Collective
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